October 28-November 3, 1983
A POLISH VAMPIRE IN BURBANK IN BURBANK”
An Aging Vampire wanders the streets of Burbank. When he’s had his fill of his latest victim, he puts a straw into the neck and fills up a baggie with blood to bring home to his kid, a wimpy dork of a vampire with a Farrah Fawcett poster on the inside lid of his coffin. The kid thinks his fangs are too small, so he’s never bitten anyone before. Finally, his fed up parents send him out under strict orders to go all the way with a girl. Instead he runs into a man who was once bitten by a queer and who now turns into a queer every full moon. Funny idea, right? Worth at least $2,500? I guess so, since that’s what this entire film cost to make. Written by, directed by and starring Mark Pirro, this feature is full of innuendo, smoke effects, and jokes that range from very funny, to almost funny to not funny at all. Eddie Deezen as the dead brother and Lori Sutton as the statuesque blonde victim/lover plow their way through jokes that aren’t just executed, they’re tortured. Sure, it’s too long and technically dogbreath, but for a rewrite and a mere $6 million more this could easily have been American Werewolf In London.
Nuart Sun Oct. 30. midnight.